Okay
by CableKnit
Summary: But of course, she was Lily Evans and how could she suppose, for one second, that he wouldn't find her when she needed him the most and wanted him the least?


Her hair was frizzing up all around her face. Tears had formed a river down her cheeks. Her green eyes were swollen and puffy and red, just like her hair. Her tie was undone around her neck, her socks slipping slowly down her calves.

* * *

He stood opposite her in the empty room, staring at his shoes. He had nothing to say. He had tried and tried and _tried_ to apologize, but then she started yelling and then she started crying and he had made _Lily Evans cry._ A million things were bursting on his tongue, a million _I'm sorrys _and _it just slipped out's_ and an _I love you_ that he had never quite had the courage to say.

* * *

She put her hands up to her face because she just couldn't bear to look at him anymore because he _looked _just the same and he wasn't and how on earth had she been so _stupid?_ How had she let it get this far when she _knew, she knew! _what he was? Hadn't everyone told her? Hadn't she been looking him in the eye when he said _it _and hadn't she seen that he _meant_ it?

* * *

He looked at her as she wept and wept and Lily Evans never _wept_ because she _just didn't_, but he had made her. He had nothing to lose, because she already hated him and he had wanted to say it and she should know, shouldn't she? She should know that he did because she knew everything. So he said it, and what had been on the tip of his tongue for so long jumped and hit the floor and _why did he say it?_

* * *

Oh, god, what was he thinking? She knew he loved her, and she knew he knew she knew, so why did he have to tell her and make it _that much_ worse? And she didn't and he knew it and what was she supposed to say then? So instead of saying anything she slipped to the floor and said nothing and cried even harder and _why won't he leave?_

* * *

He had ruined it and there was no fixing it now. So he did the only thing he could do: he left. He walked slowly and deliberately towards the door, giving her a chance to say something, _anything,_ but she didn't and Severus Snape left Lily Evans crying in a Transfiguration room and he told himself he would _not_ cry, and he didn't, but his heart was shattered and crumbling and on fire and he just wanted to shake her because _she should feel it too_, but she didn't and it was all so so so wrong.

* * *

He left and she was glad because now she could just sit and cry to her heart's content and no one would bother her. Her heart was broken and now she had to clean up the pieces and pretend that it was all okay and it _wasn't!_ But of course, she was Lily Evans and how could she suppose, for one second, that he wouldn't find her when she needed him the most and wanted him the least?

* * *

He creaked open the door and knew what he would find, because the Map never lies, and _he _had just left, so of course she was _crying._ He wondered for a moment why he had come and how does one comfort a crying girl who hates you? But he couldn't leave because she lifted her head and looked at him with those eyes and how could he _not_ do something?

* * *

He was there and _why?_ All she wanted to do was cry and now he was there and he looked at her and _pitied_ her and she hated being pitied. And now he was coming over and putting his arms around her and she was sliding into them and ruining his shirt with her tears and he didn't say anything, he just sat there.

* * *

She didn't punch or yell or shoot him with hexes, so he figured what he was doing was okay so he just held her and _he was holding Lily Evans!_ But she was crying and this wasn't exactly how he pictured it but he'd take what he could get and he hoped that this meant she didn't hate him.

* * *

She was so cruel to him, so _why was he here_, holding her like nothing was wrong and like this was what it was supposed to be like? But she didn't have the energy or motivation or anything to ask him why so she just sat with him and he let her be and that was okay.

* * *

So James Potter let Lily Evans cry for a very long time before she looked at him, kissed him on the cheek and said thank you and left and it was his turn to sit on the floor of the empty Transfiguration room, but it was okay because he'd take what he could get and this was pretty good.


End file.
